birth story II

Peter was two and half weeks early.  And while we were fairly prepared for his birth, it happened early enough that I didn't get a chance to wonder when he was coming.  This time around was different.  We were so prepared it was ridiculous.  I felt a bond to all the women who try everything to induce labor.  My Mom and Sophie came a week before my due date, in case I went early again.  And though at the time I was worried that they would be super bored and never actually see my second born, it worked out beautifully.  They spent a week hanging out, providing relief and helping me nest.  In fact the night before my due date, we were up painting the trim in the nursery.

At around midnight the morning of my due date, contractions started.  I was hesitant to believe they were legitimate because I'd been having contractions for a couple weeks at that point.  After a few hours however, I excitedly but with an attempt at calm, acknowledged that they were coming on consistently and becoming stronger.  Ian and I prepped to leave for the hospital around 5AM.  It was really nice to be able to leave the house knowing Peter would have my mom and Sophie there.

I didn't quite know what to expect this time around, as I had decided to have an epidural over going natural again.  But let me tell you, it was a really great experience.  I fully embraced the UK team and they were so accommodating and friendly.  We were especially lucky to get our nurse at the beginning of his shift, because he was with us the whole day.  He could not have been more helpful.  He walked me through everything that was happening.  He was thorough and comforting, helping me feel at ease to ask questions.  The epidural went smoothly and I was amazed to be able to relax during my contractions.  I knew they were happening but the pain was gone.  Incredible.  I had no choice but to relax and sleep.  Sleep!  I almost felt guilty for how wonderful it was.

I learned a few things about my labor.  It takes me a long time to get to 7 cm dilated.  It was about 12 hours to get from 4 cm to 7 cm.  However... from 7 to fully dilated takes only about an hour.  I remember that hour being hell with Peter-- but as I wasn't being regularly checked the first time,  I didn't equate what was happening, and so was not able to explain that to my doctors this time.  When I was still only at a 7 after 12 hours, my doctors seemed to be gearing themselves up for a long long night.  One of them even went home to check up on a few things, and my other doctor left for a break.  I started to feel some real pressure pretty soon after they'd left.  I called in the anesthesiologist to make sure the epidural was working.  He upped the dosage, but the pressure stayed.  My doctor came in from her break to check on me, and I appreciate her very calm reaction looking back.  Apparently she could feel the baby's head.  She assured me everything was good, but rushed out to call the other doctor to come back.  Meanwhile, I was starting to feel very real pain.  I wasn't necessarily expecting it, but as it was no where near what I had experienced naturally, I was able to breathe through it and handle it fine.  I was really grateful for my training in hypnosis and though the Hynobabies program encourages natural birth, the foundation of the hypnosis is to teach you to be calm regardless of the birth experience you're having.  Because I was so relaxed and calm-- I was able to really focus my mind through the pain and felt empowered.  This was especially poignant during pushing because though I wanted to push, they asked me to hold off for the doctor if I could.  Being directed in my pushing and waiting to push was very positive for me.  I ended up only pushing three or four times before our baby was out.

Meet Joanna:

Seven pounds, ten ounces.  20 inches long

We love our Joanna Knell.

She was born on her due date around 6:45 pm.  I was beaming when I heard her for the first time.  I felt so calm and connected to this birth and it was very healing for me.  Though I had an incredible experience having Peter naturally, and I'm grateful for it-- it was somewhat traumatic for me.  It's been powerful to compare and contrast both births and to feel more than anything a huge wave of peace and gratitude for my healthy babies.  Can you see that look of excitement on Peter's face?

(photo taken by GranD on her iphone)

And then we were four.

third trimester

It's November!  How is it November?  Though it's come quickly, it has been the loveliest fall, so you won't hear me complaining.  You might hear me groan a little bit in discomfort, but that's different.  I feel like this little thing is taking advantage of the room previously made before her--stretching out as much as she can.  That's where my groaning comes in.  And yes... I did say "her" and "she."

Our little one is a girl.

I failed to document that bit of news on this blog until now.  Silly, really.  Because I have felt from the beginning that this was our girl.  I wish I could explain the feeling.  I just... sensed a girl.  Every time I thought about the baby, I'd see a girl-- and could only think of a boy if I really forced it.  Somehow, I just knew.  Which didn't change the excitement and wonder of finding out when we saw her on the ultrasound.  We're excited to officially meet her.  I've already made note of some differences between she and Peter, however.  First of all she just... moves differently.  She's sporadic and quick.  Peter was calculated and curious.  Because of his curiosity, he would always move toward things pushing against him and run his hand against it.  The mattress, the laptop, the heart monitor... everything seemed interesting to him in the womb.  This girl seems very different on that score.  She moves away from things generally.  Especially the heart monitor.  It's always a game to try to get a read on her heart rate.  I wonder if she'll be more introverted like me?

Either way... we are thrilled.  I know Peter will be in for a shock when he realizes that mommy's tummy baby is an actual living breathing sibling of his.  But I also know that he will be the greatest big brother. 

Life is beautiful.  And messy.  And hard.  And fun.  And so good.

Just so I don't forget the beautiful season we've enjoyed this year, I'm going to document a list of autumn-y things we've done so I can endeavor to do it again in the future.

-Visited Boyd Orchards and picked apples and pumpkins

-Bought "ah-man joy" hot chocolate (coconut, almond and chocolate... so yummy) and scones from Third Street Stuff and went to Woodland Park to enjoy our treats in the chilly weather (pictured)

-Went on a late hike to the Palisades trail to enjoy the changing leaves and temperature

-Brought lunch to Raven Run and walked the beautiful trail

-Put mulling spices on the stove while cooking and baking

-Baked way too many good treats! (Boston cream pie bars, chocolate ganache sour cream cake, cookies, banana bread, chocolate pudding, brownies... it's been a little intense in the sugar department around here!)

-Focused our dinners on cozy comfort.  Things like beef stew, shepherd's pie, roasted chicken & vegetables and creamy chicken noodle soup with biscuits.  Breakfast with the same criteria: hearty oatmeal with cinnamon and walnuts, pumpkin pancakes with maple syrup and sausage,  egg ham & cheese muffins, scrambled eggs on toast with fruit.   

-Listened to a lot of folksy, worn-in music

-Watched cozy movies/series (we've been into the Great British Baking Show lately!) while enjoying a warm treat.. like fruit pie and ice cream, or Belgian hot chocolate with almond biscotti or even just cookies and milk.  Other cozy movies to note: Penelope, Julie & Julia, the A&E Pride and Prejudice, Serendipity, Dan in Real Life, Runaway Bride etc. etc. (Any suggestions for cozy movies?  I'd love to hear them)

Still on the list:

-Breakfast at Windy Corner Cafe (the cheesy grits are the best)

-Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies (since we haven't had enough baked goods!  .... i am so pregnant.)

-Chili and cornbread, chicken pot pie

-Farmer's market for cheeses, jellies and late vegetables

-Louisville Zoo

-Red River Gorge

halloween 2015

This year was fun!  And how epic of me to post the night of Halloween.  I will try to ignore the fact that there are many things that probably should have been posted before this.  I'll get to them, maybe.

Something happens to me at Halloween.  As soon as the right idea is hatched, my brain seems to take off on its own, making sense of the most mundane things at Salvation Army.  Peter has been super into pirates since we went to a Pirate Show in North Myrtle Beach at the beginning of September.  And thus has been watching Jake and the Neverland Pirates more than I would care to say.  So Peter was Captain Hook, I was Mr. Smee with my pregnant belly poking out in Smee fashion, and Ian was Peter Pan.  This was not his first time being Peter Pan (as you can see in the picture below!)

Ian as a youngster (and no pants)

 Ian today! Pants intact!

I fashioned Peter's Captain Hook coat from a 90s girl holiday dress. I took it down to Peter's size, and added gold ribbon.  I also sewed/glued his hook into his sleeve so he couldn't remove it HA!  He didn't complain, just held up his hook and exclaimed "Pirate!" the entire evening.  His hat was assembled from a bright pink straw hat that I covered in maroon napkins and sewed/glued into the shape of a pirate hat and added a feather to, as well as a wig on the interior.  I made his little cravat with an elastic neck so I could put it around his normal Sunday button-up shirt.  I'm no seamstress.  And my details are messy.  But I think it turned out pretty great!

The best part of our Halloween this year was when we hatched the idea of a Peter Pan themed dinner, and I remembered the imagination dinner scene from Hook.  Now, we didn't break out into a verbal battle turned epic food fight... (Prison barber!) but we had a really nice time.  On the menu:  Roast chicken, an array of fruits, a cheese plate, dinner rolls, veggies with dip and lemon-lime punch.  For dessert we had pie with hot chocolate.  The perfect companion to the chill in the air.

I'm so grateful for my family and the Hatton's for joining in on our fun!  Everyone came in the right spirit of Peter Pan and adventure.  We had pirates, lost boys, mermaids, little Michael and Tinkerbell. It was good.

To end our evening we roasted Starburst and marshmallows.  We may have skipped out on trick-or-treat this year, but I think our Halloween ended up being something we'll remember for a while.

two

taken by your dad after you had brought all your trains into our bed one morning

You're two.  Really, absolutely, completely two.  It's hard for me to swallow how quickly you grew out of being a baby.  I focused so hard on how amazing it would be to have a baby-- and here you are.  On the way to being grown up.  But do you want to know the fun part?  I am loving every second of it.

No, really.  I thought so much about having a baby, I didn't focus a whole lot on all that would come after.  And you're so fun.  Your personal stamp on life is coming out more and more all the time.  You are obsessed with trains.  You say "trinn-ah" more than anything else.  You recognize any sort of train track, railroad sign, train-like thing everywhere we go.  I feel grateful that we live in Lexington where we have the RJ Corman line so close, you can hear the distant whistle and see moving trains regularly.  I don't think there has been a day that you haven't built your tracks and connected your magnetic trains.

Your other obsession is drawing.  It is your most frequently asked question.  "Draw?" You'll ask.  You prefer mommy's notebooks, and journals with pens and markers to the coloring books with crayons we bought you.  I suppose it makes sense.  Crayons don't color on your skin the way that pens and markers do. I love seeing all your marks and drawings in my current journal.  It is the best reminder of us right now.  I know your scribbles wouldn't mean much to some, but I'm noticing how precise you're becoming.  I see the circles you're practicing.  I'm excited to see where your drawings will take you.  And hey-- you've really pushed me to be good at drawing trains.  There are so many in my journal.  I think you like the process of watching the ink turn into a train more than you like the finished product.  I get that.

You're *officially* in your own bed now.  That is probably the main reason I wanted to write this post.  I'm feeling nostalgic for the baby you're moving further and further away from.  It's a good thing we have that new baby on the way, eh?  Perfect timing I'd say.  I cannot wait to see you become a big brother.  You're already so good and kind to the kids around you.  Like that little girl at the doctors office who you handed all your crayons and coloring book to without expecting anything in return.  I sense that you're getting tired of playing with me.  What better time than now to train a baby to become your play mate?

And just for my own memory, here's a list of things I'm crazy about right now:

-Even though we're working on audibly saying "sorry"... I love that your response when I ask you to say sorry is a hug and a kiss

-A few times you've said "please" (which sounds more like "cheese" right now when you say it) and put your toys away without me having to ask

-You've calmed way down with the kitties, and you and Scout seemed to have bonded.  You're very snugly with her and I'm so glad that she allows you to get up right in her face to smile and give her kisses.  I think most cats would scratch you.  The throwing things at them to get a reaction is getting a little tiring, but you know.  We're working on it.

-I love it when you knock on doors and call out "Heh-doh?" (hello) really loud 

-Instead of saying "yah" when you want something, you've started to nod.  But you don't just tip your chin up and down.  Your whole head is involved, which ends up requiring a lot of your body too.  It's the cutest thing.

-You call Pappy "Hap-py."  It's everyone's favorite.

-Kipper the Dog is the only show you'll sit all the way through for.  I like it too.

-One of the reasons we've upgraded your bed is because you don't feel the need to be confined to your crib/bed anymore.  Most of the time you do well sleeping through the night but then occasionally you'll decide 3am is a good a time as any to be awake indefinitely.  I laid down with you last night in your new bed to try to help you settle down, and you scooted up close to me until our faces were inches apart and you put your hand under your cheek just like mine and began to whisper and giggle for all the world like we were having a special slumber party.

I know there's more.  There is always more.  My list of reasons for loving you is endless.  But I wanted to remember this little picture of you at two.  I'm so glad you're mine.  I'm so grateful for the bond we share that continues to deepen.  You're pretty great, kid.

love you forever,

Mom

did i mention?

I'm pregnant.

I'm already seventeen weeks along, for Pete's sake.  This pregnancy has been so subtle compared to Peter's.  I had painstakingly waited for everything to do with my first pregnancy.  After two rounds of Clomid--I took a pregnancy test the day before my missed period to discover I was pregnant.  This time around, I was still shrugging it off when I was over a week late.  It wasn't until nausea set in that I broke down and bought a test.

It feels like a miracle, really.  I didn't even have to think about it.

Remember how I couldn't picture a baby girl when I was pregnant with Peter?  I could only see a little boy?  Well... the same thing is happening on this one.  Only this time, I can't imagine a boy.  That must mean something, right?  Why can't I picture a boy when I've already had a boy?  Don't get me wrong.  I would be thrilled to have a boy.  I always love it when the first two are the same sex in families for some reason.  I just see a girl.  And the thought is thrilling.

This time 'round has been seriously different too.  Different symptoms.  Nausea the first trimester, but able to keep most things down except for the occasional time that pushed me over the edge.  Different levels of energy and emotions.  Just... different.

Also, I would love to contrive a pill that simulates my second trimester without the being pregnant part.  My confidence rises, my hormones seem to balance out and I have this overall peace that makes everything in life feel pretty easy to manage.  Darn those hormones and emotions.  Always getting in the way of good days.