rambling thoughts on: baby boy

Ian as a kid ^^^

Sometimes it feels like this boy is painting murals in there.

I hope he looks like Ian

Even though I know we will soon be a family of three, I can't picture it.  I'll get a glimpse here and there as I've started to gather his new things and incorporate them into our space, but it's impossible to imagine.  I've watched other peoples children for so long, the thought of having my own is so foreign.  I can't wait to know what it feels like.

I suspect him to be a curious little thing.  Instead of kicking away anything that comes into his space--he seems to check it out slowly as if he's trying to discover what it is.  He's much more likely to check something out when it isn't me-- like the bed, a book, or the laptop.  It feels so strange to me every time. The novelty and miracle of it has not worn off yet.  I don't know if it will.

I hope I can create an environment that will allow him to be imaginative and creative with his time.  Ian and I both enjoyed very "epic" childhoods, spent adventuring and exploring outside and always playing some sort of game inspired by our imagination.  Will he be interested in that with so many distractions available?  I'd like to think so.  It'll be a challenge to find that moderation and balance with all of our technology so prevalent.

I'm so glad that we get to tackle this parenting thing a day at time.  Or even ten minutes at a time, if need be.

I think one of things I'm most excited about is seeing Ian become a father.  He'll be so great.



Alright baby boy.  We'll see you in about six weeks.

new chapter

Current family portrait

I want to write again.  Play again.  Connect back to those bits of me that are always trying to find their way out.  Sometimes they'll find an outlet in a puff of inspiration or time, but typically they miss their mark and are put away hoping for another round.  Life is busy and tends to fall into a mold of monotony and that place called 'comfort zone.'  But wouldn't it be lovely if a comfort zone was a true comfort zone of inspiration and happiness, rather than a pit of habit and blandness?

My job has ended.  For the first time since I was a kid during the summer, my time has become my own to prepare for this little human to enter the scene.  I'd like to say that it has been spent in an idyllic, summerland kind of way but it hasn't.  My days consist of nesting; preparing our little space for an extra presence to come, and taking breaks for my increasingly tired body.  Running errands, managing our apartment with more awareness, and practicing hypnobabies (we love hypnobabies!)

Pregnancy is incredible.  I've had an amazing time analyzing the way my body wears pregnancy.  Some things I expected, but others I didn't.  I really haven't experienced serious changes in appetite.  I've been a little more obsessed with breakfast cereal than normal.  I like peanut butter more than I normally would.  My sweet tooth has increased and become more focused on baked goods and chocolate rather than just anything sweet.  But other than that... normal as pie.  What I didn't expect was that my person would shift.  I am typically an optimist, dreamer, worker bee type person.  Pregnancy has muted my dreamer side and put my worker bee optimism into a more focused place.  I feel very to-the-point.  I'm feeling much more queen bee than worker bee, in the sense that I've slowed down and put my focus where I've deemed it be most important.    I'm not as concerned with inspiration and fun right now.  It makes sense of course.  I'm in practical mom mode, focused in on my shifting purpose.  It's amazing, but a little strange to not feel as fun and fluffy as normal.

We're in a beautiful transition and I'm hoping to implement more creativity into this new chapter.  I will be at home with our little boy and make our management position in our apartment more of a full time job.  I'm ready to acquaint myself with this humongous change and my plan/hope is to record things much more often than I have been.

Hello blog!  It will be nice to get to know each other again.