all the help

As I mentioned before, Mom and Sophie came a week before Joanna and left a week after she was born.  It was really ideal.  Mabel joined us from South Carolina a couple days before they left.  It was so nice to catch up, relax and divvy up newborn duties.  These lovely women made sure we had food, clean laundry, good conversation and an organized space.  We were so grateful.

Just over a week after Mabel left, Mica and Mary joined us.  It was such a fun and relaxing week that the only photos we took were when Mica was sharing her wisdom with me on different camera settings.  So... that blurry human in the picture below is Mica.  Sorry Mics.  haha

Frankly though with how much she did for us, the incredible food she made and the relief she was, she pretty much was just a helpful blur compared to my sleep deprived still-self.  And can we just take a moment to appreciate these cousin friends?  A month apart, and so fun to watch together.

I'm so grateful for my sweet family.  It's so fun to be adults and to recognize my siblings as fellow humans that I admire and learn from.  It was comfortable and rejuvenating.  

Thank you again ladies.

two weeks old

birth story II

Peter was two and half weeks early.  And while we were fairly prepared for his birth, it happened early enough that I didn't get a chance to wonder when he was coming.  This time around was different.  We were so prepared it was ridiculous.  I felt a bond to all the women who try everything to induce labor.  My Mom and Sophie came a week before my due date, in case I went early again.  And though at the time I was worried that they would be super bored and never actually see my second born, it worked out beautifully.  They spent a week hanging out, providing relief and helping me nest.  In fact the night before my due date, we were up painting the trim in the nursery.

At around midnight the morning of my due date, contractions started.  I was hesitant to believe they were legitimate because I'd been having contractions for a couple weeks at that point.  After a few hours however, I excitedly but with an attempt at calm, acknowledged that they were coming on consistently and becoming stronger.  Ian and I prepped to leave for the hospital around 5AM.  It was really nice to be able to leave the house knowing Peter would have my mom and Sophie there.

I didn't quite know what to expect this time around, as I had decided to have an epidural over going natural again.  But let me tell you, it was a really great experience.  I fully embraced the UK team and they were so accommodating and friendly.  We were especially lucky to get our nurse at the beginning of his shift, because he was with us the whole day.  He could not have been more helpful.  He walked me through everything that was happening.  He was thorough and comforting, helping me feel at ease to ask questions.  The epidural went smoothly and I was amazed to be able to relax during my contractions.  I knew they were happening but the pain was gone.  Incredible.  I had no choice but to relax and sleep.  Sleep!  I almost felt guilty for how wonderful it was.

I learned a few things about my labor.  It takes me a long time to get to 7 cm dilated.  It was about 12 hours to get from 4 cm to 7 cm.  However... from 7 to fully dilated takes only about an hour.  I remember that hour being hell with Peter-- but as I wasn't being regularly checked the first time,  I didn't equate what was happening, and so was not able to explain that to my doctors this time.  When I was still only at a 7 after 12 hours, my doctors seemed to be gearing themselves up for a long long night.  One of them even went home to check up on a few things, and my other doctor left for a break.  I started to feel some real pressure pretty soon after they'd left.  I called in the anesthesiologist to make sure the epidural was working.  He upped the dosage, but the pressure stayed.  My doctor came in from her break to check on me, and I appreciate her very calm reaction looking back.  Apparently she could feel the baby's head.  She assured me everything was good, but rushed out to call the other doctor to come back.  Meanwhile, I was starting to feel very real pain.  I wasn't necessarily expecting it, but as it was no where near what I had experienced naturally, I was able to breathe through it and handle it fine.  I was really grateful for my training in hypnosis and though the Hynobabies program encourages natural birth, the foundation of the hypnosis is to teach you to be calm regardless of the birth experience you're having.  Because I was so relaxed and calm-- I was able to really focus my mind through the pain and felt empowered.  This was especially poignant during pushing because though I wanted to push, they asked me to hold off for the doctor if I could.  Being directed in my pushing and waiting to push was very positive for me.  I ended up only pushing three or four times before our baby was out.

Meet Joanna:

Seven pounds, ten ounces.  20 inches long

We love our Joanna Knell.

She was born on her due date around 6:45 pm.  I was beaming when I heard her for the first time.  I felt so calm and connected to this birth and it was very healing for me.  Though I had an incredible experience having Peter naturally, and I'm grateful for it-- it was somewhat traumatic for me.  It's been powerful to compare and contrast both births and to feel more than anything a huge wave of peace and gratitude for my healthy babies.  Can you see that look of excitement on Peter's face?

(photo taken by GranD on her iphone)

And then we were four.

remembering

I've been looking over old pictures during Peter's nap today.

I'm in awe of the last four months.  Have I ever experienced so much change in so short a time?
Remember when my sweet mom, sister and brother came and saved me after Peter was born?

I do.

Their presence was more comforting than anything I've experienced in my adult life.  I felt like I was a kid again,  with a feeling similar to when I crawled into my parent's bed after having a nightmare.  Loved, comfortable and safe.  Mom even made us her incredible Persian food and it tasted like Christmas.  Our gratitude for having them there is hard to express.  Thank you mom.  You too, Sophie and Thomas.

Our world felt a little crazy after they left.  Here we were with a tiny baby in our tiny apartment and life had changed.  I'd been told this multiple times. "Your life is going to change," they'd say.  I didn't get it.  Of course my life is going to change!  I will have a baby where I didn't have a baby before.  But I didn't know that what they meant was that my life would start over.  I'd be an infant again with an infant of my own.  I'd have to relearn how to function, and relearn how to live.  Particularly a life of balance, again.  At least this was my experience.  Some of the most joyous moments of my life all jumbled up with the most difficult.  Though I wouldn't change it even if I could.

And then some friends of ours who've been housesitting for a family in my ward had been offered a job out west.  And would we like to move in and housesit for them?  We felt right about it, so we packed up our special little place and moved.  I may have shed some tears over the apartment we'd grown the most as a family in--but I knew the time to move on had come.

So now we are inhabiting a somewhat enormous house (6000 square feet thereabouts) for a reasonable rate and we'll stay here for a year or two until the family currently in Canada comes home.  And then on to the next adventure, whatever that is.

See what I mean when I say... a lot of change?  Though I was mostly speaking of Peter and I to be honest.

How does this....

....Turn to this in just three months??

All I know is that in all this change and experience we are coming to know a little bit more about living.  We are learning a little more about our tiny family and our place in this life.  I am also learning what it means to be a mom.  And though it made me ache to wait... the waiting has made it awfully easy to be grateful for my little one.  I laugh at myself that even when my baby is crying at times-- I will smile.  I love to be the one that fixes it.  I love that I can call him mine.  And that I'm learning about love all over again.

We are feeling remarkably blessed. But also humbled by all of this incredible change.  Our pace has slowed some, tried though I did to get back to the pace of life before Peter came.  I've stopped trying so hard.  I've learned and I'm learning to accept this new track we're on.  It may be slower than I'm accustomed but then again, there's more to see up here.