passing weeks

  

We're wigging out a little bit that we're already almost halfway through this pregnancy.  Time moves so quickly with a full agenda.  I think the weirdest part about our to-be baby is how normal it all feels right now.  It's certainly strange and surreal that it's actually happening-- but overall, us getting ready to have a baby feels as normal as Tuesday.  

I'm having a difficult time composing sentences that flow and make sense right now.  There is so much in my head.  So much in my heart.  So many things I'm learning and experiencing.  I think I'll revert to my habit of list-making.  A list of thoughts and feelings right now.

Only three more months of work.  Our plan is for me to stay at home for as long as possible.  My 2 and 3 year old students will graduate from my classroom at the end of May and my little year of teaching preschool will close for a time.  I'm anxious for work to end because 9 AM to 6 PM is a long day for this pregnant body... but at the same time I'd like it to stay at a steady pace as I continue to soak up the goodness of this age group.  

I'm beginning to feel more myself again.  I'm beginning to remember all my little aspirations and dreams now that my teacher channel has begun turning down.  I feel the need to write again.  To create.  To sew.  To sing.  To take pictures and video.  To organize.  To play and create music.  To find that really good fail-proof bread recipe.  To grow lavender.  To make jam.  Who knows how long it will take for me to get to those things.  I dont know.  I don't really care either.  I'm content with this year being a year of my changing life and family, whatever it brings.  But it feels good to have that inspiration again.

I don't think I've ever been so excited for warm weather.  This baby has usurped all my warmth.  And while I'm glad of that, my extremities are left constantly cold.  I cover up with a blanket on my way to work.  I wear long sleeves and sweaters every day.  I use to hate long sleeve shirts.  I've always been such a warm body.   Not anymore.

I love being pregnant.  I love it.  I had a horrible time the first three months, spending my evenings emptying my stomach.  I've replaced that phase now with migraines that begin to rage every day starting at about 4 o'clock.  My sleeping patterns are all over the place.  I have to use the bathroom all the time.  And somehow those things have not felt all that difficult.  I am happier than I've ever been.  I'm feeling confident and content.  I'm feeling blessed and excited.  I have these incredible spurts of energy from time to time that help me accomplish way more than I use to be able to do in a short amount of time.  I've always been amazed at the human body, but this is ridiculous.  Pregnancy is magnificent.

I am never alone.  I always have this little bean with me and I'm so excited to feel its presence more constantly beyond a faint flutter when I lie down a certain way.  I think it's a boy.  Ian, who is so careful about where he places his excitement, insists that we dont know--so I need to stop referring to the baby as 'him,' and 'he.'  But I can't help it.  I would be thrilled for a girl.  I just cannot help but see a boy.  We'll find out for sure on the 22nd of March.  It'll make everything feel more real I think.

Life is feeling pretty neat right now.  It's also feeling pretty intense.  I'm grateful that everything will slow down a little before our little one makes his/her entrance.  I will try to write.   I'll try to record this incredible process.  I'll try to take more pictures.  If not here, at least by hand in my notebook.  Life is in motion over here.  We're just doing our best to take it all in.

currently: 18 weeks along