Something felt different that night as I struggled to get to sleep. I was feeling more uncomfortable than usual and a little queasy. Then the contractions started (even though I didn’t register then that they were contractions.) At around 2:00 in the morning I got
up to try and find some relief by walking around, using the bathroom etc. And that’s when I started noticing a
pattern. Every ten minutes they’d start
up again. I tried not to think too much
of it. I was still two and half weeks
away from our due date. I started
searching the web for symptoms of ‘false labor’ and basically spent two hours
experiencing contractions every ten minutes telling myself it was nothing. I woke Ian up at 4:30. He joined me in the dance of convincing
ourselves this was just practice, but we kept that “But what if this is it…”
thought pretty close to the surface. By
10:30 a.m. I was experiencing a
contraction every 7-8 minutes and by 1:00 p.m. it was getting to be every
5. At this point I’d contacted our doula
and doctors and began prepping for the fact that I was most likely in the
process of birth. All the while I’m
experiencing contractions, I was using my hypnobabies techniques to stay
relaxed and calm. It helped me to stay
focused and not to feel any fear or worry about the fact that this was
happening sooner then we’d planned. Ian
meanwhile was being the champ that he is and prepping the house and packing the
car for us to go to the hospital.
We arrived at the hospital about 2:00 p.m. and waited in the
entry for our team to gather and for a room in triage to be ready for us. I was grateful for the patience of the nurse
in the front office who dealt with me zoning out every 4-5 five minutes with my
headphones of my hypnobabies tracks. We
were admitted into our room after we found out that I was dilated at 4
centimeters. We were so grateful for our
doula (who was also our hynobabies teacher!) and the doula she brought with her who was hoping to gain more live birth practice. Both of them were so
pertinent to our birthing experience!
They talked me through each contraction and provided massages and
counter pressure to my lower back. They gave good
suggestions for position changes and literally fed me and held drinks up to my
mouth. I quickly escalated to contractions that were
spaced 2-3 minutes apart and we stayed there for a while. Hypnobabies helped me to remain calm at the
denouement of each contraction and relaxed in between but I admit that at the
onset of each contraction it was extremely hard to focus and concentrate on
anything but the power of my birthing waves.
My natural reaction to this was to yell.
Loud. Like a viking warrior. And strangely it helped me to focus my energy
where I needed it to pull through. It
was extremely helpful in fact, albeit frightening to me and especially to my
poor Ian who got the bulk of that noise right in his face since he was right
there gripping my hand through every contraction—and I gripping right back. Then I reached a point where I knew I
couldn’t stay at just 2-3 minutes apart any longer. I needed it to be go time. I had opted for minimal checks of my
cervix—but at this point I needed to know where I was to figure out how to move
forward (did I need extra help at this point?
i.e. an epidural?) Come to find
out I was fully dilated at a 10 aaand… my water hadn’t fully broken yet
(something I know now does not break easily on its own for me and have made a significant mental note for next time!)
We snagged it and I was determined to get to the pushing stage. I decided I wanted the help of gravity so my rock Ian sat on the edge of the bed and
held me up under my arms while I squatted into each push. At this point our doctors were gathered and
ready and I used every tiny ounce of energy and strength I had left to
push. I was very ready to meet our son.
So much so that by the time our baby began to crown I could not slow the
process down. They asked me to try and
wait—but I informed them without hesitation that I couldn’t. He was coming. Once his head came down, the rest of him
slipped right out. The last of it
happened so fast in fact that Ian missed it when he was handing the second
doula our camera after having turned it on for her to take a few photos. The only downside to our boy coming quickly
at the end was that I did end up tearing internally and externally on the last
quick stretch—but honestly, I am grateful for it. I was determined for him to come, and come he
did!
The first moment I saw Peter is indescribable. It was surreal the first few moments. I was so concentrated and in tune with my
body during pushing that I actually had to shake myself into remembering that
“Oh yeah! I was doing that for a
baby!” Once oriented however, I was in
awe and amazement at the little thing in my arms. He was perfect, and real, and ours.
I remember there being a strange important feeling in that room during
that final go. There was something in
the air that seemed to surround everything—making everything very clear and
strangely special and hazy at the same time.
It lasted a while and added to the significance of our first encounter
with our son.
^^ this was right after they'd placed Peter in my arms
And now I have to gush. I have felt so strongly this entire pregnancy that this was not just my pregnancy, this was our pregnancy. Ian has been with me on this path through everything. The man literally sat behind me and rubbed my back the first trimester while I was bent over the toilet emptying my stomach. We went to our hypnobabies classes together and both took part in the home practice and prep for Peter to come. Ian could not have been more amazing during birth. He encouraged me every step of the way. He cried with me. He held my hand, rubbed my back, and stroked my hair through each contraction. Not to mention the fact that he held me up while I pushed. I know it was not easy for him to watch me in this incredible experience. But he kept it all to himself, put on a brave face and continually reassured me of the amazing job I was doing. It wasn't until after it all that he opened up about how hard it was to hear those sounds come out of me and to watch me go through it all. I may have borne the physical side of this experience but this was his birthing experience too. It was the both of us transforming to become actual parents. It's funny how every time I think I couldn't possibly love Ian more than I already do, something else will push me further into love for him. I'm beginning to sense that this will continually be the case. I'm so grateful for the partner he is.
So there you have it. Contractions began at 2:00 in the morning and by 9:00 in the evening we were holding our son in our arms.
Introducing:
Our Son Peter
Seven pounds, Six ounces
19 3/4 inches
And perfect.
